Finding Freedom

I found freedom at 35 years old - but I searched for it my whole life...

I tried to kill myself on my 16th birthday,

And when I failed at the one thing that I thought would set me free ....

I did Plan B - the less than perfect choice that would force me to stay in this world, I ran away from

home.

I didn't find freedom as a runaway homeless youth on the streets of Memphis, TN.

I didn't find it in the jail cell of juvenile detention.

Freedom was nowhere to be found within the padded cages of the mental health institution.

There was a facade of freedom in the skies of Utah while forced to dress in orange hunting vests as to

not be shot by hunters passing by my broken toes and soundless screams**.

There was only captivity and abuse in the Montana walls of the next institution I called "home" until I

turned 18 years old and was once again homeless on the streets.

"Home" was a place filled with secrets, pain and abuse.

"Organized abuse" was a word I would learn in my 30's to describe what happened in my adolescents.

But what IF we gave youth the power of language and knowledge to validate their experiences in real

time?

To not be so foolish that the eradication of these traumatic experiences and systemic failures will

happen on day 1 of this revolution.

But instead to offer support to their inner children, to validate their humanity, and to see them as the

resilient young adults they are today.

No more pointing fingers at the youth of today and the leaders of tomorrow.

Let's focus on the revolution: Developing their leadership, strengthening their platforms of social

capital and foundational resources

It's time we changed this cycle ....

The cycle I drowned and died in to find my freedom doesn't have to last as long for the youth of today.

One day, I hope for a world that freedom is granted on the day of birth and never has the

(vulnerability/weakness) of being taken away by someone in the wrong hands.

That is what I grant my child, this child that has changed my whole life - the baby that I'm growing and

nourishing to one day be a part of this world that I so desperately wanted to leave as a child.

Our child will know unconditional love - our child will know safety and comfort - you will have parents

who choose to put you first - we will never give away our guardianship of the fragility of what it

means to be a child in this sometimes dark and sometimes light world.

There will always be a both/and of light and dark in the world,

Our duty as your parents is to walk in the light and sing the joyful hymns of nature and connection,

While also teaching and guiding you how to walk in the darkness, leading the way with our lanterns

but all the while - helping you to write your individualized guidebook on how to keep your light

aflame for when our paths are at a crossroads at your adulthood - you will have the blueprint of

what to do and what not to do, and the permission and unconditional love to be a wholehearted

human with your own failures and successes along the way.

Your parents are here little one, both of us within our lifetimes of being cycle breakers - your mother

and father have walked many chapters and fought tooth/nail to become the parents you have today. You are not alone; our love is always within reach.

**