Motherhood's Reckoning

What comes first -

Healing?

Reckoning?

Forgiveness?

I'm adding them into my cauldron of alchemy,

The spices of intention mixed into the base of grief, loss and suffering.

I forgive my body for the loss of our child;

I reckon my grief with acceptance and sadness;

I heal my body, spirit and mind by releasing the old to make room for the new.

The alchemical mixture of honoring endings and the blessing of beginnings.

Boiling the physical grieving of sobs, heartache, and screams...

With the (silent) prayers of faith and the comfort of support.

The loss of our child bringing us closer together in our sorrow and grieving.

Forcing the choice between hope or defeat, although I still waver - my partner stands strong with a gentle hand reaching for me to join him in his faith on hopeful ground.

Reckoning with my motherhood and the meaning of family - it's about the walk back home to find myself. This is not the end.